Justin Bieber to Give His Monkey to Someone Who Might Care About It Being Quarantined in Germany for Six Weeks, Etc.


Six weeks after Justin Bieber’s 14-week-old pet monkey was confiscated by customs authorities in Munich, Reuters reports that the touring pop singer has still not provided the paperwork needed to reclaim the capuchin, named Mally. During that time, Mally was photographed with a single paw placed on an iPad displaying Justin Bieber’s Believe cover art—a blatant plea to be taken back by her teenage millionaire owner. And the Munich Animal Protection League shelter caring for the monkey has offered several status reports, revealing that Camp Bieber has expressed concern that the animal would be euthanized and interest in Mally's being placed in the care of a zoo.

Reuters adds an update to Mally’s forced-vacation saga, noting that the singer has until Friday to reclaim his pet before losing ownership. Judith Brettmeister, spokeswoman for the shelter caring for Mally, is not holding her breath, though. “Bieber’s lawyers have indicated they would like to leave the monkey,” she told Reuters, before passive-aggressively insulting Bieber’s pet-parenting skills. “From an animal rights perspective, it would have been better to do that before, as he is being kept well here but not with other members of his own species.”

Mally’s exile in Germany has not been completely debilitating to the young monkey, however: Brettmeister reveals that she is “learning slowly to climb and to use its tail.” If Mally does become German property, a spokesman for the Federal Agency for Nature Conservation assures the world that her whereabouts will be kept secret, much like an animal version of the witness-protection program. “I’m afraid we can’t reveal details on where Mally will be taken, as we are worried about the hype surrounding the monkey,” the spokesman confirmed. Regardless of her whereabouts, we send Mally strength in the remaining four days of her German-quarantine vacation. And viel glück im neuen heim! (You have our e-mail address.)

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