Joe Jonas Has Impossibly High Standards For His Future Girlfriend


Just because Joe Jonas is famous and just because he guest-starred on Married to Jonas does not mean that he can walk around with impossibly high standards for a girlfriend. But he does anyway because he’s Joe Jonas and he thinks being the brother of the guy who dated Miley Cyrus means he can say whatever he wants.

Recently a source, who we trust completely because sources (like hips) don’t lie, said Joe Jonas whispered the following dream into a dark room.

“Joe is super picky,” a source tells us. “He wants a girlfriend and he wants her to be Christian. He’s a really good guy and wants a girl with strong morals. He’s being set up casually by his friends but he hasn’t met anyone who has peaked his interest just yet.”

Hear that? He not only insists on dating a Christian woman, but he also insists on her having strong morals. Frankly it’s insulting his expectations are so high. What else does he want? A woman who puts the toilet seat up? I mean, it’s ridiculous how these guys get famous and then get greedy. I think we can underscore the fact that he’s being super-picky. This basically borders on obnoxious. But I guess that’s what happens when a guy rides his high horse atop a pedestal into the sunset of a thousand screaming tween girls.

At most you’re supposed to have one standard for a significant other. It can be “taller than me” or “college graduate” or “has last name Hemsworth,” but it cannot be more than one. It’s like no one else spent their weekend reading old self-help Xangas and combing through them for advice like I did.

Ugh, men. Why must they always have standards, in the plural???

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